


a terrible autonomy

by Capitola



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Breeding, Consensual Sex turned Non-Con, Implied Forced Pregnancy, Knotting, M/M, Mating Bites, Mating Cycles/In Heat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:41:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27018232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Capitola/pseuds/Capitola
Summary: “Will you come in?” The invitation leaves Essek's lips before he can stop himself, but it can’t hurt. They know each other, after all. Essek’s body is screaming out to be touched all over, and if he could satisfy just a bit of that —“Of course.” Caleb keeps Essek’s hand tight in his as he walks forward, allowing Essek to lead him in. “We have so much to catch up on.”
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 9
Kudos: 112
Collections: fear so intricate it’s indistinguishable from beauty; beauty so unbearable it’s indistinguishable from fear





	a terrible autonomy

The night sky over Rosohna is dull and rainy, a fact which gives Essek, staying inside to wait out a heat cycle, some sense of perverse satisfaction. He’s not so young and foolish as to crow over the weather matching his moods, but it has not been a fair-weather month for him. It _should_ be, that’s the bitter thing. He’s got what he wanted: his life, his position, his research. But he misses his friends, not to mention the certainty of knowing that they _are_ his friends.

He misses _Caleb_ in particular, his colleague, his student, his — something that neither of them had been comfortable putting a name on yet. It had taken them the better part of the spring to fall into bed together, and even without extenuating circumstances it might have taken them a long time to discuss what it all meant. Essek is an omega, after all, and Caleb an alpha, and though neither of them were in the habit of deliberately concealing those facts, they didn’t wear them on their sleeves either. 

After...after what had happened in Nicodranas and at sea, though, he was coming to terms with the fact that he might not be able to see Caleb like that again. Caleb had spoken so sweetly to him, so forgivingly, but Essek has no delusions about the choice Caleb would make between his lover and his friends. Not everyone had spoken to him so fondly. 

It is a surprise to him, then, to see dancing lights outside his window, in bright shades unnatural against the night sky. It is a surprise to look down and see Caleb casting up at him, smiling up at him through the rain-spotted window. Essek’s heart leaps and his feet follow, and he covers the distance to his front door faster than he’s ever done on foot before.

His hand freezes on the door handle just before he opens it; the rational, pragmatic part of him saying he should just tell Caleb that he’s indisposed. Essek’s felt the creeping flush of heat on himself all day, and though he still feels well, it can’t be a good idea to be around an alpha for too long at this stage. But Caleb will excuse himself once he realizes, of course. Caleb’s shown himself to be a decent man, just as cautious around Essek’s heats as Essek himself. He opens the door.

They stare at each other in sweet silence, before Caleb extends a hand, and Essek reaches one out to meet it. When their fingers meet, Caleb draws Essek’s hand to his face, brushing his lips across the knuckles like a courtly gentleman. He's real, and he's here, and his eyes are filled with such soft hunger.

“I wanted to see you,” Caleb says, kissing from Essek’s hand to his wrist, and pushing up a silky sleeve to kiss a line up his arm. “Did you miss me?”

“I did,” Essek breathes. His pulse thrums with desire, with need, and as he looks at Caleb he leaves his face unguarded. He should pull his arm back, anyone might be watching, but he’s so _happy_ to see Caleb. Happy to discover that the part of his life that has Caleb in it is not over.

He leans up to kiss Caleb, and when Caleb’s lips meet his, it is what Essek’s been dreaming of, almost sublime. The desire that passes between them feels no way diminished by their separation, or past events. It’s overwhelming, and Essek wants more.

“How have you been?” Caleb’s tone makes it obvious he’s not just asking for pleasantries; he’s after an honest answer, but the honest truth is that Essek couldn’t feel better now.

“Fine, fine - perfect, now that you’re here. How could it be anything less?”

Something twitches in Caleb’s expression, just for a moment, but it’s gone as soon as Essek notices it. “I can’t imagine how. It’s wonderful to see you too.”

“Will you come in?” The invitation leaves his lips before he can stop himself, but it can’t hurt. They know each other, after all. Essek’s body is screaming out to be touched all over, and if he could satisfy just a bit of that —

“Of course.” Caleb keeps Essek’s hand tight in his as he walks forward, allowing Essek to lead him in. “We have so much to catch up on.”

They’re all over each other as soon as the door closes, and they end up going straight for the bedroom, not even pausing for a perfunctory drink in the parlor as they might usually, not even pretending Caleb was here for any reason beyond satisfying the sweet throbbing Essek feels throughout his body. 

_But that’s not right, is it_ , Essek thinks, as Caleb delicately unbuttons his shirt with one hand, keeping the other wrapped around his waist. _There’s so much we haven’t talked about yet_. The war may be finished in Essek’s eyes, but he saw that look in Caleb’s the night of the party, the anger lingering behind sympathy. He’s not so foolish as to think that could possibly be the end of it, but Caleb doesn’t seem eager to talk about it now, and perhaps there is something to be said for indulging in earthly desires. Especially with his heat growing stronger every moment he spends with his skin pressed to Caleb’s, his alpha pheromones driving Essek wild.

_Don’t forget yourself_ , Essek thinks, a surge of clarity bursting through the lust in his mind. _You’ve come too far to let him knot you - mate you - breed you here._ Either this is just blowing off steam (in which case he’d never let things get that far), or it's something too tender (too _careful_ ) to consummate in that fashion now. 

“Leave it on the chair,” Essek murmurs as Caleb pulls his shirt off of him, but Caleb lets it fall to the floor, a few feet shy of the requested place. Essek thinks to protest but it feels fussy, whiny, and so he doesn’t. 

Caleb’s kisses are tender, but also ripe with wanting. His soft, lightly furred chest tickles Essek’s bare skin as they stand for a moment, perfectly entwined. Their cocks brush against each other, and the sweet sensation travels further down, to the pulse of Essek’s cunt, and he moans against Caleb’s mouth.

“Bed?” Caleb says, and Essek nods against his neck. Caleb hoists Essek up, and doesn’t quite _lift_ Essek onto the mattress as much as _throw_ him. Essek laughs shakily, and Caleb whispers something that sounds like _sorry, sorry love_ against Essek’s ear as he climbs on top of him. He grasps Essek’s hands in his own and pushes them down against the pillows on either side of the bed. Caleb’s cock slides down between Essek’s thighs, and it feels _good_ , that hard length brushing against the wet, open lips. Some primal part of Essek wants to invite him all the way in, take him to the root but — 

“Wait,” Essek says, letting that clarity come to the front of his tongue. He should have brought this up sooner, for sure, but it’s not too late to lay down some boundaries, and Caleb, ever the cautious lover, would not deny him this.

Caleb says nothing, but he pushes forward, thrusting the first few inches into Essek, and Essek sighs with the delicate satisfaction, the pleasure of being opened by Caleb. It’s good, it’s good, but they shouldn’t — he needs to tell him. 

“Caleb?” He asks again, louder, making sure that Caleb heard him, that he understands this as a question needing a response rather than a simple cry of pleasure. “Caleb, please don’t — ” But whatever Essek would have said — _don’t knot me, don’t come inside me,_ — is cut off by Caleb pressing his mouth to Essek’s, the kiss fervent and deep. He tries to object, but the words are smothered in his throat and teeth stop his lower lip from quivering.

Caleb thrusts further into Essek, sliding through the soft heat of him until their hips are flush, Essek’s length rubbing between the two of them. A whine escapes Essek’s lips when Caleb withdraws, softened into a moan when Caleb plunges inside him again.

“Caleb?” Essek tries to say, when Caleb’s lips move off of his for a moment, but he barely gets out the first syllable before Caleb bears down on him again, teeth teasing at the edge of Essek’s lower lip. He tries to move his hands, but finds them locked beneath Caleb’s, and when Caleb slips his fingers between Essek’s, the hazy thought passes Essek’s mind that with his mouth and fingers locked down, he can no longer cast spells to defend himself.

He shouldn’t need to think that, shouldn’t need to think about defending himself against Caleb, who has proven himself careful towards Essek; a gentle lover, despite their mutual misgivings. They might have played games with each other, but that has no bearing on this. Caleb never even bothers him in his heats — or he hasn’t, up until this night.

A fear creeps up Essek’s spine, and he gives the barest hint of a struggle - not enough to throw Caleb off of him, but enough to let him know that something is wrong. Caleb responds by bearing down on him, the weight of his lean muscle finding little contest in Essek’s slim build. He fucks into Essek again, and Essek can feel the unmistakable swell of a knot starting at the base of Caleb’s cock.

And now, Essek really is afraid. He tries to thrash against Caleb as hard as he can, as hard as his body will let him, but it feels numb, distant. The fog of heat pheromones and the sensation of an alpha rutting into him are keeping his limbs weak and pliant, his body not quite his own. He tries to scream — though, gods, what use would there be in screaming — but it disappears under the soft insistence of Caleb’s lips. Essek can't help himself from moaning each time the growing knot slips past the muscles of his cunt, pleasure and arousal all but drowning out the fear and panic that persists in his mind.

It's not long before the knot reaches a point where it feels far, far too big, and Essek groans against Caleb’s hot breath, feeling helpless and split open as Caleb drives his hips forward hard. He considers trying to fight back again, one last chance against Caleb while he's focused on knotting him, but then the full force of the knot pushes into him, knocking the air from his lungs. It's so much, all at once, and Essek hadn't realized how close he was, but he comes. It's like a heavy, pounding crash that resounds through every part of his body, so hard he can't think of anything else. His cock spasms, spurting across their stomachs, untouched, and his cunt grips the thick length of Caleb’s cock, grinding down on the knot despite himself. 

He's so wrung out that he can only gasp when Caleb pulls his mouth off of his, can only cry out a moment later when Caleb sinks his teeth into Essek’s neck, sealing a mating bite into the tender flesh. It _hurts_ , not the foggy, confusing pleasure-pain of Caleb fucking him, just the pure pain of teeth on skin. 

Caleb’s breath has gone shallow, matching his quick thrusts, and the knot feels swollen to its limit inside of Essek. Essek’s stomach churns with awful anticipation, wanting it to be over with and wanting it to not have to happen at all. After an eternity of seconds, Caleb hits his peak, one final thrust followed by thick bursts of cum filling Essek, breeding him. It lasts a long, long time, and Caleb sinks down against Essek, no longer holding him down but relaxing against him. 

“Why?” Essek manages to breathe out, the start of a dozen more complicated questions. But he thinks Caleb understands what he means.

Caleb laughs, but there is nothing comforting in the sound of it. He shifts his grip on Essek’s hand so his palm is against the back of Essek’s hand, and guides it down between the two of them, so their hands are resting against Essek’s lower belly. “Because,” Caleb says, his breaths hard but steadier than Essek’s. “Because nothing’s ever personal with you. Because you clean your hands of everything and walk away. Because I’m going to make this a consequence you can’t walk away from.”

“ _You_ were personal.” It's as close as he can come to saying it.

“Was I? Or was I just another game, another object of study?” He releases Essek’s hand, and lays his own against Essek’s belly in a way that feels even more possessive. “Think of it. A child of both our worlds. Of peacetime.”

Essek feels cold in a way that has nothing to do with the warm body pressed against him. The temptation is solid, real, to forgive this as a single slight and not a violent act. “Suppose it doesn’t take?” It's a flimsy, hollow idea; human alphas are well-known for their virility, and he's intently aware of how thoroughly Caleb had stuffed him. 

“Oh,” Caleb says, lips brushing a kiss to Essek’s forehead, his tone cold and practical. “If this doesn't, I think it will eventually."

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to [flammablehat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flammablehat/), without whose encouragement I might not have written this, and as always to [asterCrash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/asterCrash/pseuds/asterCrash), for reading it. 
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated <3 You can also find me on [tumblr](https://capitola.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/knitinerant).


End file.
